I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.