I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow