I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.