And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
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I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
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The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?