My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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