She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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