Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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