i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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