If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
