apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
