So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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