my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
