I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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