Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
