This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The power of my boobs compel you
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
