I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
