Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
