Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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