I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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