Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
