is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
