I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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