The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
