she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize