I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
