I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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