My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
