He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
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The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
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All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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