I just threw up on my dentist
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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