He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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