they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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