Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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