Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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