I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
