Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Holy sore nipples Batman
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
