he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
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HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
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Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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