Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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