Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
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I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
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I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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