my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
