He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
