if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
