that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
