I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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