Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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