i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
