I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
