Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
