Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
