Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
