It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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