it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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