Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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