Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
