if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
