I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Randomize
