Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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