There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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