Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
