I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
