If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
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My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
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At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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