Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
