Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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