I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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