I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
