i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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