sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
