DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize