I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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