I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
